The Fitness February – Week 1: A Healthier Smash

Greetings, Earthlings.

I bring you another awesome smash.

Get ready.

This came about while I was strolling down the mall with a couple of my mates, I couldn’t help but notice the number of people walking around. It wasn’t so crowded, but when you just stare blankly at a certain area, it was like ComicCon came early this year.

Now anyway, as I was dodging, well trying at least, the huge number of people, I realized that it wasn’t their number that was huge. They were just really, well delicately speaking…

That should do it.

But really, fat people are awesome. I’m just not the type to let myself get there.  That’s why for the whole month of February, I’m going to write about Fitness, and Exercise.  I’m not going to do it alone though, and this is where you guys come in. I need everyone to send me what they think is a great Exercise Method, Diet, or just about anything related to fitness. Of course I’m going to inject some of my own fitness tips and tricks. All good and ready to give you a healthier smash. ( For the month, that is)

All right, so first thing’s first – The Mindset.

Diet programs or Workout routines all succeed with a good mindset. What you need is a goal, and why you want that goal. It is important to love your reward, or else it’ll all go down the drain.

So for the first week, the project is to start flexing your discipline muscle. Whether it be a Diet plan or a Workout, stick to it and stay away from whatever brings you down.

As far as Diets go, make sure it’s healthy. A crash diet won’t get you any thinner, it’ll only kill you. Go for organic Fruits and Vegetables and make sure you go for lean meats. Drink plenty of water and Freshly squeezed juice.

With your workout, something important is the will. You must always want to do it, or at least love the goal so much that you will not feel lazy while doing it. Most workouts fail because people just stop halfway. A workout is a commitment, just like a Diet plan.

But remember, this is not so you can look like a model. I’m not telling you that you need a perfect body for a perfect life, I’m here forwarding a healthier lifestyle. I don’t think Coronaries or heart attacks are your thing either. This is the main purpose of the Healthy Smash: A healthier lifestyle.

So remember gang,

*Healthy living is what’s important at the end of the day, not the body.

*A Diet plan and a Workout’s success all depend on one thing – The Mindset

*Discipline is key

Send any and all Comments/Suggestions/Fitness Tips/Dirty Laundry to the E-mail address below:

And now I leave you guys with another Autocorrect Fail(Take that Jobbs!)

The Wednesday Smash

“Edible Comedy”


In Gervais.

Hello boys and girls, get ready for a smashing good time.

If Award shows aren’t your thing, then you probably didn’t catch the Golden Globe Awards. It was a pretty good night with pretty good winners:

-The Social Network for Best Motion Picture, Drama

-Colin Firth, The King’s Speech for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama

-Glee for Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical

-Christian Bale, The Fighter for Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture

And so many others. It did seem like the winners were the most talked about that night, but there was one man who managed to be the king of the night. He is none other than the host, Ricky Gervais.

And who's the biggest douche?

All right, before I go on about how he made the night so — erm, memorable, try checking it out for yourself here.

Suffice to say, he wasn’t exactly the nicest guy there, nor was he the most liked. Of course, anyone who gives you those kinds of jabs isn’t really your best friend now, is he? I must say however, that I couldn’t help but see some of those jabs coming. I mean, all right, maybe he went too far with The Tourist, but come on, you’ve got to be wondering the same thing: how did that movie manage to sneak its way to the nominees’ list?

Indeed it was a crazy time, and what was wierd was his disappearance for some time while the show was going on. A ton of people say he was canned for all the insults he threw, others say he was caned like a little schoolboy. I was told, and this was by far the most believable explanation, that hosts really go off for a while in awards shows. If you guys want to share what you think, send ’em to the e-mail address at the end of the smash.

Come to think of it, Rick wasn’t so bad at all. I mean sure, his jokes were below the belt, and yeah, some people’s faces weren’t exactly happy; but at least he was entertaining. I mean honestly, I’d rather have him up there than some boring old twit.

So give the guy a break and move on, he’s not the biggest douchebag who’s appeared on an awards’ show right?

Exactly my point.

Be sure to send in all Comments/Suggestions/Plunger Tops to the e-mail address below:

So there you have it for this week’s Smash. Be sure to check back next week for some awesome smashy goodness. And now I leave you with a grocery list masterpiece.

The Wednesday Smash

“Microwaveable Politics”

Lewis, Tolstoy, Hemingway, Austen….Bieber?

Hey guys, what’s happening?

I’m back from my hiatus and I’m ready to continue handing out that Wednesday Smash you love so much. (Yeah, you know it) So let’s brighten up your hump-day, shall we?

The smash is back.

All right, boys and girls, this all started when I was walking down the street one fine afternoon, and passing by a bookstore, I saw this:

Just. No.


Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Bieber hater. I mean yeah, it’s weird that he’s, what? Sixteen? And he’s still waiting to be slapped in the face by puberty,and it’s weird how, other than sounding like a girl, he even manages to look like one in the cover. Even what he says, quoting the Bieb, his book has “Lots of exclusive photos just for you. Love Justin xxx.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s rap. The places you find “xxx”:


-A game of Tic Tac Toe

-Scribbled on books of little girls along with “O”s in between.

-And now, scribbled on biographies of little boys who probably haven’t even received the talk about the Birds and the Bees.



Oh, and come on – The Hair. If you’ve watched even one of the Lord of the Rings movies, you’ll notice how amazing it is that Legolas’ hair never, and not even once, looks dirty. I mean sure, you can get away with it while on a horse, traveling. But at the most climactic fight scenes, not even a drop of orc’s blood or even a spec of dirt lands on it. Now that’s just wrong.

So back to Bieber. First Step 2 Forever: My Story is about the singing sensation’s life from the beginning, up until now. My guess: Without the pictures, spanning about two pages. Including the pictures, the book may be about 300 pages long and only thirty minutes to go through it all. No wonder people love this book.

To me what seems so silly is that the Bieb’s writing about his story at Sixteen. I doubt that’s a lot to write about, not including what an average teenager writes about. But the world doesn’t seem to care about that, now do they?

Things an average teenager writes that the world doesn’t seem to care about:

-Rants about parents

-Rants about relationships

-Rants about teachers

-Rants about change

-Rants about the internet

I mean come one, give me an adolescent whose diary isn’t full of just rants.

Oh. Right.

But then again, Bieber’s book might just be worth the money, or not. It might depend on how serious your case of the Bieber fever is.

Send any and all Comments/Suggestions/Cloning tips to the E-mail address below:

So that’s it for this week’s Smash, I’ll catch you guys next week for more smashy goodness. In the mean time, I give you Evil:

The Wednesday Smash

“Loud enough to taste”

Ain’t no party like a Week-long party, because a Week-long party won’t stop! (For a week)


Hey gang, I’m going on a hiatus this week, hence the early smash, but don’t worry, I’ve grouped together some of my favorite things to do when I’m bored and feel like scratching someone’s face off like a scab.

You look like a scab

So here they are and I hope they kept you on your seats with entertainment as empty as Nicolas Cage’s wallet.

Yeah don’t hide it, we know.

Here’s a site that shows the failitude of the Iphone with autocorrect

And here’s something you’ll probably never need in your life, but you’re glad it’savailable anyway.

BANANA . Mind Blown.

And finally, here’s something you can use to calm yourself down, or probably just annoy the living hell out of people.

Remember to leave any and all Comments/ Suggestions/ Cherry bombs to the E-mail address below:

So enjoy, and finally I leave you with Christmas.. erm.. Cheer?

The Wednesday Smash

“The Noisy Post-its”

Memory lane’s traffic was horrible. We’re taking my road now.

Hello everyone, and welcome to the smash.

This week, after the season of gift-giving(see: Last week’s smash), ghastly sweaters, and “family” time, it’s customary to follow it with even more parties, six days later.  You know it, I’m talking about New Year’s parties. Not only is it a way of kicking 2010 out the door, but everyone knows it as a perfectly excusable reason to get drunk.

And that’s why I don’t drink

So now let’s look back at how 2010 gave us a lasting impression by kneeing us in the groin:


All right. Let’s start with January 12, 2010: The Haiti Earthquake

On the twelfth of Januaray, 2010, a 7.0 Magnitude struck Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Here’s BBC.


And then from a man we all know and, well ever since his scandalous incident, it’s pretty obvious that he’s lost some fans. I’m talking about Tiger Woods.

Let’s rap: If you’ve been living under a rock this past year, you might not know that Tiger Woods has been walking around with a string of ladies looking for his golf club, if you know what I mean. *winks*

It, of course, hit magazine covers all around the world. It was February 19, 2010 that he called a press conference for an apology. He regained some of his fans after that, but some never did come around.


Some call it a wondrous invention, others call it another attempt to swindle money out of people and come up with an even better version in six months, rendering the previous one tacky and obsolete. The Ipad.

The fact that it was just like a larger version of the Itouch never really became a hindrance to Apple’s sales. Apple fans one and all braved the weather to stand in line for hours just to grab one of these bad boys for themselves. The not-so fanatics of Apple merchandise waited for a better version which they expect would be coming out in a few months. This was known as one of Apple’s breakthrough inventions. Plus, it has a camera.


On to more grave news, 2010 was the year one of the funniest comedians met his end.

Greg Giraldo was a comedian and one of the judges of The Last Comic Standing. He died on September 29,2010 at the age of 44, from a prescription drug overdose. Greg, you will be missed.


And finally, what 2010 did to us that definitely left a lasting impression, and probably caused the hearts of men to just want to stop beating- Natalie Portman’s Engagement and Pregnancy.

A big cheers to the fellows at The Dog House for letting me add this to the smash.

Yes indeed, the V for Vendetta and Pirates of the Caribbean star Natalie Portman is engaged and is expecting her baby with fellow actor Benjamin Millepied, the choreographer for her movie, The Black Swan.

Now doesn’t that just break your heart? I mean, I can’t be the only one mourning right? Right?

Well those are my picks of 2010’s lasting impressions. Now I want to hear from you. Send any and all comments/suggestions/bear dung to the e-mail address below:

For this week, folks, I leave you instances of how real jerks your friends can be:

The Wednesday Smash

“Whut’s this ‘ere interweb?”

Two front teeth? Kids’ stuff.

Happy Holidays, boys and girls!

I hope everyone’s holiday went smoothly.(No gnargles and all) And for those whose holidays did not go as planned, here’s something to cheer you up:

Now didn’t that just get your little heart chuckling?

One thing I dread in the holidays is keeping track of my Wish list. I don’t really know which one I want the most, and the others I completely forget. It seems silly though, Wish lists. I mean come on, it’s basically a to-do list that’ll get you a death threat if you don’t follow it.

That face has “Christmas Cheer” all over it.

Then again, people don’t really check your Wish list. Mass buying Christmas gifts leave absolutely no room for whiny requests. In this case, here are some of the things I (STILL) haven’t crossed off my Wish list:

Let’s face it, who doesn’t want this awesome little guy?

Yeah, this one’s been on the list for ten years.

Don’t Judge me

All right, the list may be a bit demanding. Maybe the light Saber would suffice.

It’s a new year, and therefore, additions to the Wish list. I saw some of these things on-line and smacked them into the list.

The Pick Punch just sweats Awesome

Mind Blown

So those are my additions to my Wish list. Let’s be real, I’ve got as much a chance of getting even one of those things just as the Hoff has in making a comeback.

Yeah, I’m talking to you.

Now it’s your turn. What’re some of the things that you’re itching to cross off your Wish List? Send any and all questions/answers/pictures/noodles to the e-mail address below:

And now, kiddos, I give you some advice courtesy of the folks from The Doughouse. They’re right over here.

The Wednesday Smash

“Because you can’t have the funk”

Chinese Takeout, anyone?

Alright Ladies and Gentlemen, right before I post another smash, here are probably the most revolting, gut-wrenching dishes found in other restaurants, all given to me by you. Here we go.

First up is actually a delicacy from the Philippines, The Balut. It’s a duck embryo boiled and eaten chick and all. Both salty and savory, this wonderful dish could be in your stomach for less than a dollar an egg.

Now here’s one for the history books, boys and girls I give you: Escamoles.

These little bad boys are collected in Mexico. Escamoles are harvested from the eggs of black ants right before the larvae turn into ants. For about forty dollars a pound, these guys are usually had in tacos.

Still good? Well I hope you’re ready for The Twins.

Now the top most beauty are duck intestines. And the little bugger at the bottom? Those pieces of heaven are pigs’ brains.

I call them the twins because they came from the same person, both by e-mail and maybe they actually CAME from the same… Wherever it is they came from. Honestly, I don’t believe those are parts of animals. They look they came from one of those little critters from Mars Attacks.

Yeap, just like that.

So those are my picks from all the entries sent in by you, the awesome reader. Stick around and watch out for the next smash coming on, you guessed it, Wednesday.

Send any and all questions/comments/Unicorn Sightings on the e-mail address below: