Tag Archives: Justin Bieber

Lewis, Tolstoy, Hemingway, Austen….Bieber?

Hey guys, what’s happening?

I’m back from my hiatus and I’m ready to continue handing out that Wednesday Smash you love so much. (Yeah, you know it) So let’s brighten up your hump-day, shall we?

The smash is back.

All right, boys and girls, this all started when I was walking down the street one fine afternoon, and passing by a bookstore, I saw this:

Just. No.

 


Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Bieber hater. I mean yeah, it’s weird that he’s, what? Sixteen? And he’s still waiting to be slapped in the face by puberty,and it’s weird how, other than sounding like a girl, he even manages to look like one in the cover. Even what he says, quoting the Bieb, his book has “Lots of exclusive photos just for you. Love Justin xxx.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s rap. The places you find “xxx”:

-Smut

-A game of Tic Tac Toe

-Scribbled on books of little girls along with “O”s in between.

-And now, scribbled on biographies of little boys who probably haven’t even received the talk about the Birds and the Bees.

Exactly

 

Oh, and come on – The Hair. If you’ve watched even one of the Lord of the Rings movies, you’ll notice how amazing it is that Legolas’ hair never, and not even once, looks dirty. I mean sure, you can get away with it while on a horse, traveling. But at the most climactic fight scenes, not even a drop of orc’s blood or even a spec of dirt lands on it. Now that’s just wrong.

So back to Bieber. First Step 2 Forever: My Story is about the singing sensation’s life from the beginning, up until now. My guess: Without the pictures, spanning about two pages. Including the pictures, the book may be about 300 pages long and only thirty minutes to go through it all. No wonder people love this book.

To me what seems so silly is that the Bieb’s writing about his story at Sixteen. I doubt that’s a lot to write about, not including what an average teenager writes about. But the world doesn’t seem to care about that, now do they?

Things an average teenager writes that the world doesn’t seem to care about:

-Rants about parents

-Rants about relationships

-Rants about teachers

-Rants about change

-Rants about the internet

I mean come one, give me an adolescent whose diary isn’t full of just rants.

Oh. Right.

But then again, Bieber’s book might just be worth the money, or not. It might depend on how serious your case of the Bieber fever is.

Send any and all Comments/Suggestions/Cloning tips to the E-mail address below:

talk.smash@gmail.com

So that’s it for this week’s Smash, I’ll catch you guys next week for more smashy goodness. In the mean time, I give you Evil:

The Wednesday Smash

“Loud enough to taste”


Chinese Takeout, anyone?

Alright Ladies and Gentlemen, right before I post another smash, here are probably the most revolting, gut-wrenching dishes found in other restaurants, all given to me by you. Here we go.

First up is actually a delicacy from the Philippines, The Balut. It’s a duck embryo boiled and eaten chick and all. Both salty and savory, this wonderful dish could be in your stomach for less than a dollar an egg.

Now here’s one for the history books, boys and girls I give you: Escamoles.

These little bad boys are collected in Mexico. Escamoles are harvested from the eggs of black ants right before the larvae turn into ants. For about forty dollars a pound, these guys are usually had in tacos.

Still good? Well I hope you’re ready for The Twins.

Now the top most beauty are duck intestines. And the little bugger at the bottom? Those pieces of heaven are pigs’ brains.

I call them the twins because they came from the same person, both by e-mail and maybe they actually CAME from the same… Wherever it is they came from. Honestly, I don’t believe those are parts of animals. They look they came from one of those little critters from Mars Attacks.

Yeap, just like that.

So those are my picks from all the entries sent in by you, the awesome reader. Stick around and watch out for the next smash coming on, you guessed it, Wednesday.

Send any and all questions/comments/Unicorn Sightings on the e-mail address below:

talk.smash@gmail.com